Swami expresses that the primary responsibility of a parent is to mould the character of their child. He goes on to say that humanness in your child is only possible when they observe the well-designed rules from us parents: such discipline should start from an early age.
Based on Baba’s teachings, Sathya Sai Centre of Leicester has restarted the parenting classes for Bal Vikas parents from February 2023. It is held on the first Sunday of every month and so far, the attendance has been positive with around 12-15 parents attending the session. Dr Girish Kunigiri, a devotee and a consultant psychiatrist facilitates these sessions.
The focus is to promote an interactive discussion among parents on various aspects of parenting in the modern world based on Baba’s teachings and principles of love. The topics are largely dictated by parents and are of common interest. The discussion is a blend of Baba’s teachings, modern science, and more importantly real-life examples. There is no single means of parenting: your good intention ultimately reflects on the welfare of your child. Parents can discuss what they have found helpful in parenting their own children by promoting good values and equally managing so called challenging behaviours.
The first session was regarding understanding your own child’s mind which was very fascinating. What you see as the behaviour in your child can be compared to the iceberg phenomenon (figure 1) where only a small part of your child is seen by you. This reiterates the 10% of the iceberg floating while 90% of the iceberg submerged in water consists of your child’s thoughts, feelings, and their own experience as a growing child. How can you as a parent engage in understanding your child? Is it merely by observations? There is no one size fits all. You as a parent need to invest both in terms of time and emotions. The three mantras Baba has always emphasised are – having quality time with your child, having good communications (not just with words but also with your body language and touch) and being genuinely interested in your child. What does this mean in reality? In essence it is as a parent learning about what your child is interested in and building from there. This is not always easy particularly if your child is a teenager!
Figure 1: Understand your child is like an iceberg phenomenon
The second session focused on child discipline. More easily said than done. Baba says, “first be, next do and only finally say”. It is not just about punishing the child but how you help the child to develop their good behaviours to displace their so-called bad behaviour is key. During the parenting classes parents are encouraged to think of examples where they were able to help the child to displace such bad behaviours. An example included one of the parents asking the child to sit in prayer room in front of Baba rather than facing towards a naughty corner every time the child misbehaves. This has helped the child not only to remind them of Baba’s teachings but to have that connection towards the Lord. Another parent was able to recognise and relate their own feelings with that of the child’s behaviour. These are some good examples of why reflection is invaluable when you observe something good or not in your child. Taking the time to sit with your child when the both of you are in a calm state will result in more meaningful outcome.
Some of the early feedback from parents attending the sessions have been very encouraging. One parent said “(The facilitator’s) approach is warm and empathetic. The theoretical concepts he draws upon are simple to understand and very engaging. He embeds them into real life examples and experiences shared by the parents present, thus making the points made feel practical and applicable. Not only does he integrate his own personal experience as a parent into his classes, but also his clinical knowledge as a psychiatrist, combined with the wonderful quotes and ethos around parenting by Sai Baba”. Another parent said “the parenting workshop has been very helpful. Many of the children’s growing up problems were eye openers for many young parents, the interactions and discussions were lively and led to some meaningful suggestions and tips on parenting issues.”
There are many more such topics planned for the year ahead including dealing with electronic gadget use, effective communication and building a positive relationship with your child. Believe in yourself and your confidence in parenting your child. Baba said, “Love is the undercurrent of human life” and rest assured this is the golden thread for parenting.